Bourgtastic!

Now let me say I know that talking about women’s shoes earns me an immediate “suspect” label.

But dammit this needs to be said.

Ladies. I love y’all. All a y’all. I regularly see women doing their damn thing on the street, with a real confident style just burning the concrete up.

But then, far too often, I see a woman just… just… doing the wrong things when it comes to footwear.

Although it’s mostly sneakers, I think at this point I own more footwear than the average materialistic female, and I definitely understand the need to occasionally buy shoes just to buy shoes. The difference is, and please feel free to blame this dichotomy on whatever flavor of patriarchal oppresion / history sexism you like, but the difference is that all of my shoes (a) cover my whole foot and (b) are extremely easy to walk in. This is not the case with many women’s shoes.

Anyway enough blathering; here are my three Tips To Wearing Shoes If You Are A Girl™

1. If your toes look like a pack of fish sticks, please do not wear open toed anythings.

Unless your shoes are made of hot sauce and white bread you need to suspend all plans to wear open-toed shoes until you get that taken care of, kthxbye.

2. If strappy shoes make your legs look like someone tried to tie off some raw meat, please do not wear straps.

This does NOT mean you can’t wear strappy shoes with big legs. Some girls have big legs that look great and are well toned. This DOES mean that, if your legs look like when you first open a can of biscuits, you need to just go ahead and let them breathe.

3. This is the most important: If your shoes make you walk like a newborn baby cow, do not wear them.

I think this one is self-explanatory. Work on your walk ladies PLEASE. A mean walk gets you so, so far in my book. Any dude is gonna want to enter a party with that by his side. And NO dude wants to hear “Yo how come your girl walk like a linebacker but she weigh a buck twenty?” from his boys.

* Plays “the more you know” music *

This all happened because I wore this to work one day: [a pic of my majorly pink v-neck coming soon]

Apparently some other dude thought he was the only one brave enough to wear pink to the office, and HE TRIED TO TEST MY PINK GANGSTA.  Challenged me to a pink-off!

Needless to say, I won that shit handily.

I’m talking your basic cotton-knit short-sleeve polo. I have a ton of them, most bought last fall when I really got on my wardrobe replenishment kick. For some reason, I never really wore them too tough until recently, but you know what? They’re made for me.

Today I got on a severely green Benneton medium, which probably fits me better than any of the others. They tend to come in great colors too. I also have a bunch from Calvin Klein, including some from their “liquid cotton” line when I wanna class it up, and several from Banana Repugnant, a store I like less and less these days.

btw, if you pay full price for a polo you are out of your mind.  I doubt I’ve ever paid over $30 for one.  They are ALWAYS on sale somewhere.

I may decorate this post with torso pics in the near future

I hate all of these

And I just found out you have to PAY to edit the CSS on this site.

If I didn’t hate Blogger so much I’d so go back .

Friday is shaping up to be one of those days where I have like eight events I want to go do. Last time this happened was a Thursday in February where I actually got to go to most of the events. This time they’re all happening simulataneously in different cities. Anyway I’ll be at one or more of the below:

FRIDAY

1. Philly Fun Day – hosted by some of my friends trying to bring a modicum of culture to some of my other friends. It’s pretty unlikely I’ll make it since it’s in Philly, on a Friday, and starts sorta early, but I don’t wanna write it completely off.

2. Scion House Party in Baltimore. I went to a party at this same …club? …installation? last week. Scion basically rented a townhouse in baltimore and renovated the inside with all kinds of dope art and installations and such. And free beer. And great music. Turnout was meh last time but I still had fun.

3. Nicolay & Kay at The Black Cat (DC). I haven’t even heard this album yet. But I’ve heard great things about it, and Nicolay is responsible for all the music on Foreign Exchange, which I have heard and, for a while, rocked steadily. $15.

4. A HUGE birthday party thrown by my mellow. Like 140 people have confirmed that they’ll be at this. My friend’s boovay (and her twin) is turning 30. This is normally a no-brainer for all the 30+ cougars that are certain to be in attendance.

SATURDAY

I plan to stay home, fix my car (assuming my stupid “water inlet tube” gets shipped in time), and setting up my new lofty loft in Baltimore. But you never know. Nothing planned anyway.

SUNDAY

Green Apple Festival in DC. The Roots and Toots will be there. Also Doug E. Fresh, Ne-Yo, Talib Kweli, will.i.am, etc, etc, etc. And free? Come on. Nuts. IF IF IF IF IF the weather holds this is a no-brainer. I’ll prolly go either way tho.